A Story of Redemption and Slaying My Demons

A Story of Redemption and Slaying My Demons

by Laura L.

My story of redemption started long before this year (2021). In order to understand it all, I’m splitting it up into chapters so you all can get the full picture!

Chapter 1 – Ironman Louisville, 2018

IMLou was my first one. Race day started with temps in the upper 40’s with rain. Because of the strong current in the Ohio River, the swim ended up being shortened to a .9 mile downstream swim. While I was *very* excited for this, many athletes weren’t, as it meant being short of the 140.6 miles. I was ok with it, until I wasn’t (more on that later). Thanks to the current, I swam the Olympic-length swim in 18 minutes! The bike was very chilly, and even though I had layers along with full-fingered gloves, I couldn’t feel my hands because my gloves were wet, so therefore my hands got cold. I had a lot of trouble opening nutrition. I even had to ask other athletes to help me out (the triathlete community is the best!). As I finished the bike and got back into transition, I learned that I had *barely* made the bike cut off. In T2, an angel of a volunteer helped me get my shoes on and everything I needed, because I literally could not feel my hands. A volunteer shouted, “Ladies, you have 10 minutes to get on the run course!” I bolted out of there and began my marathon. During my run, I had heard from other athletes that the course-cut off time had changed to 12:45 AM. They base it all off on when the last athlete enters the water, and athletes (usually) have 16.5 hours to finish. I knew that should give me enough time to get it done. By the time I got to the second loop of the run, my stomach was giving me problems and I knew I had to take something in. Chicken broth and pretzels were my saving grace! After a long, grueling day with awful weather conditions, I got to hear Tony Lugo call me an Ironman for the first time!

I was on Cloud 9 that night. All the way until the next morning until I saw the Ironman tracker say I had a DNF (did not finish). How could that be?? I didn’t make my personal bike cut off. It turns out, because of the shortened swim and delay, instead of having the usual 10 hours to complete the swim, T1, and bike, athletes had 9:01 hours. I finished mine in 9:06. While I knew in my heart that I was a finisher, it still dampened everything, figuratively. Other athletes were in the same boat. All claimed that there was no communication on the adjusted cut offs, and the announcer said before the swim that we would still have the “same” amount of time to complete everything. It was unfair to communicate cutoffs once the race had ended. Long story short, DNF’s were switched to official finish times on the Ironman website. While that was great, I hate that I had to fight for my official time.

Chapter 2 – Ironman Wisconsin, 2021

New year, new race, new goal. I originally didn’t sign up for Ironman Wisconsin in 2018 for my first because those hills on the bike scared the bejeebus out of me. However, I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it and it became a bucket list item. After completing all the training, I was ready to take it on.

I felt a little nervous about the swim just because I had had nausea issues with swimming more than an hour and I had never swam that distance before. My plan was to draft as much as I could off of Coach Suzy and then just think long/glide if I lost her. The cannon went off and it was about a 30 min wait before we made it in the water. I gave Mike Reilly a fist bump and before I knew it, I was in the water. I started with Suzy as planned, but lost her before the first turn buoy. No big deal, I got this!

The swim was a two loop swim. That was great for me mentally to see the distance and just know that we only had to do that twice. The problem was that by the time we back-of-the-pack swimmers got in the water, the faster swimmers who started 30 min before us were starting their second loop. I can’t tell you how many swimmers swam over me, pushed me down in the water, and gave no regard to the rest of us. It was very frustrating. However, I just tried to remember my strategy of thinking “long and glide”. Before I knew it, I was under the timing arches on the opposite corner of the swim start and turning to come back in the first loop. Once we started the second loop, the swim was MUCH better. These people were swimming my pace and it was much more spread out. This was officially the longest swim I had ever done. Just keep swimming, I got this! There was a current that slowed everyone down coming back the other way. But I just kept putting one hand in front of the other, stroke by stroke. I made it in and I heard Mike Reilly say my name as I crossed that timing mat. I was in tears because I just completed the longest swim of my life, and I had no nausea issues. I already felt like an Ironman, just from that!

I ran up the helix to T1 and saw my brother and niece cheering for me. I then saw my amazing ET cheer crew and had a big smile on my face. I got my bag at the top of the helix and got into the changing tent. I didn’t want to dilly-dally, but I went as fast as I could as I got changed into my biking gear. I ran out of the tent, got my bike, and saw my brother and niece again at the mounting line. Down the helix I went to start my ride!

Just like my last Ironman, I knew I would have to stop on the ride every 15 miles or so to quickly eat and restock my Gatorade into my Aero bottle. I can’t eat on the fly nor can I grab bottles safely while riding. I had the ride in those 15-mile chunks in my head to make it through. I had done this course many times before, so I knew what to expect. I made it through the stick and was on my way through the first loop, stopping very quickly at aid stations when needed. Before I knew it, I was on the steep hill affectionately known as the 2nd “B” and my cheer crew was there just waiting for me to pass and cheer. I heard them yelling, shouting my name, and cheering. It was the BEST and that hill, which was such a challenge on other rides, felt like NOTHING. I made it through the first loop.

As I was riding downhill into Verona, everything was still going okay, but I noticed that my chain was acting a little weird. It started phantom shifting when I was in a certain gearing. This has happened on other rides before, and I had made it through just fine, so I wasn’t worried. I just decided I would gear up/down from that one and try to avoid that. I started the second loop and was on a climb. When I shifted to my small ring, my chain dropped. No big deal, it has happened to me plenty and I knew how to fix it. I made the fix and kept on going. On a climb shortly after that, I shifted down again and my bike locked up. It wasn’t moving at all. I had to quickly clip out to avoid falling. I saw that something just wasn’t right… my derailleur was somehow stuck to my wheel. What?? Another rider asked if I was ok.. I know some about bikes, but he stopped to just check it out for me to see if it was at all rideable. His words were, “Yea, this looks toast.” Ugh great. Thankfully, right around the corner there was an aid station. The volunteer captain, Jen, called a mechanic for me, but she said she didn’t know how long it would take.

I watched the last rider go through and I knew that even if I had a chance to keep going, it was now gone. Over an hour later, the mechanics finally came and confirmed that the derailleur, chain, and the hanger were all either bent/broken and there was no way I could have continued. Wow. At least my bike broke in a big way. I just wish it wasn’t during my A-race.

The morning after, I couldn’t help but have my eye on the next race. I felt so unfinished. I knew Ironman Indiana was only in 3 weeks. I was already trained, and I could definitely do it. My coach reach out the next day and said that she would be for it if I was. Let’s do it!

Chapter 3 – Ironman Indiana – 2021

Swim (2.4 miles): I wasn’t nervous about the swim. I did it three weeks before in Madison. What I was nervous about was the water temp (65 degrees!) but I honestly was colder before getting in the water. Once I got in the water, I found my stride and kept going buoy to buoy. Once the first lap ended, I didn’t want to waste any time and ran right back into the water for the second loop. This time, the water was slightly more choppy, but not bad. Many athletes described it like a washing machine, but I didn’t find that at all. Probably my biggest challenge was as the second lap went on, I found my body getting a little chillier. The tracker app says my second lap was a bit slower than my first, so maybe if I worked harder to get my heart rate up, it would have been better. Live and learn!

T1: This race had no changing tents, so we had to be careful about that “no public nudity” thing. I brought a towel to wrap around me, but found I didn’t want to risk it changing into my bike shorts, so I opted for the port-a-potty. No big deal. Back at my bike, I scarfed down a clif bar, grabbed my gear and bike, and off I went to the mount line. The amazing ET cheer crew was there to see me off, and off I went!

Bike (112 miles): This was a closed course (no cars), which was great. The first part of the course had some rollers, but I knew that heading into this race thanks to the shake-out workouts I did the previous day. Coach Joe mentioned that Highway 35 (the longest part of the course) had quite a few false flats, so I anticipated that. The first loop went well… all the way up until we got to the turn onto Central St. The road was super bumpy, yet it was newly paved? That doesn’t make sense. Imagine your body getting a full body massage on this bike, and that’s what this feels like. (I later found out from locals that it’s called “chip seal” and is common in that area). Not a fan; it felt like riding on a bunch of rumble strips for several miles. Not only that, it went uphill 95% of the way for about 15 miles each time! PLUS we got rained on. Thankfully it was a warm rain so I wasn’t cold. It made things more interesting, though.

Finally the turn around came on this road. Alright – I can finally go downhill for a while! But I turned right back into the headwind. Oof! Not fair! I trudged through all the way back to the 60 mile turnaround. I felt confident and was nailing down my nutrition so I felt good going into the second loop. I ticked each mile away and kept going, trying to maintain a pace where I wouldn’t miss the bike cut off, and give myself a little bit of cushion in case something like a flat tire happened. I was very cognizant of this during this race. I kept sending up prayers of thanks and strength as I continued on the bike. After reaching mile 100, I started getting tired, physically and mentally. At this point, my mind was playing tricks on me. “Man, my legs are tired. How the heck am I going to do a marathon?” I had to tell my mind to “shhh” because I’ve definitely done this before! Why am I doubting myself now, especially when running is my favorite discipline? It’s amazing how these negative thoughts can creep in. You just have to push them away.

T2: Suzy found me as I was running out of T2 onto the run and asked me how I was doing. I said that my mind has been going into a dark place and she just yelled, “That’s over now, you have to let that shit go! Promise me you’ll let it go!” I promised.

Run (26.2 miles): And onto the run. The last part. My favorite part (usually!). I started off pretty strong. Even athletes coming the opposite direction would tell me the same. I ate what I could at the aid station buffets, because if experience has taught me anything from my previous Ironman, it’s that I might not be able to stomach anything later because of nausea. And I was right.

However, this time, it wasn’t nausea. It was bad stomach pains that were really slowing me down at around mile 7. The only relief was to stand doubled over, but that meant no forward progress. I gave myself a lot of wiggle room as far as time on the run, but now I was wondering if I could even continue. Even walking sucked. I took some tums from a volunteer…didn’t help. Ibuprofen? No go. I took an Immodium for a “hail Mary.” Nada. I told myself I just had to get to the turn around at mile 13 and talk to my coach. Just got to get to my coach.

I finally got to her, and I knew I needed her to at least go with me part of the way, get me out of my head. She didn’t hesitate to walk with me. She immediately said, “I’m going with you” and we started off with run/walk intervals. When I would stop, she would grab my hand and kept me going forward. She texted with Matt back near the finish line to communicate what pace I needed in order to make my personal 16.5 hour cut off. He said a 14:30. At that time, I was managing a 16 minute pace. Shoot. Suzy told me we have to keep going and we have to run more. I reluctantly obliged, but I eventually found that running hurt less than walking. And my legs felt fine. I couldn’t stomach anything, though. Even water grossed me out. But I knew I couldn’t go on nothing. Suzy handed me ice as we continued on. (Ice was the only thing that got me through that last half. How I made it through without bonking is beyond me.)

At mile 18, I was ready to tell her that I was going to quit. The pain was too much. All I wanted to do was curl up in a fetal position. What if this pain never went away? Would I even still make it in time? Have no fear, Suzy had no doubt (at least she didn’t tell me so). She said we would, as long as we kept moving forward. So I did. We turned around at mile 19. Matt texted her and said I was moving at a 14:13 pace. She yelled “That’s what we need! Keep running, faster if you can!”

We caught up to my teammate, Ganesh, who was walking at that time. Suzy walked with him and paced him and told me to keep going. At mile 20, I finally started feeling better. I felt myself picking up the pace. I continued to chew on ice like a hydrating bullet. I kept hearing Suzy’s voice in my head to run, and I didn’t want to risk stopping. I was doing so well.

There was a volunteer named Stuart who was all over the course, all day. He high-fived athletes (with a glove that said “f*ck yea” on them) before the swim, on the bike, and in the dark hours of the run. I caught him one last time at mile 24.5. He simply told me, “F*ck yea, you did it!”. That got me through the last little bit.

As I approached the finish line, I could hear the announcer, Tony Lugo (the same one who called me an Ironman in Louisville in 2018) say “Alright Laura, you did it. You did it, Laura. 33 year-old from Naperville, Illinois, Laura Lupo, you are an Ironman!”

If I were to sum up my year of racing in 2021 in one word, it would be “thankful.”

First of all, Ironman Indiana was held for the first time ever this year (and it may be the only time). It was held 3 weeks after Wisconsin. I’m so thankful that I had an opportunity to race again so soon after my bike mishap in WI.

I’m thankful I had 2 other ET Teammates, Coach Joe and Ganesh, do this race with me and it was so good to see you both on the course! Congrats to you both on an awesome finish!

I’m thankful that the ET cheer crew (Christa, Nicola, Lia, Elena, Drew, Laurie, Todd) were there in full force to root me on throughout the day, I looked forward to seeing them throughout the day, especially before the race started. Someone commented on my big smile when I saw them arrive before we started. It took my nerves away!

I’m thankful for Ganesh’s family who was everywhere on the bike and run course. Seriously, they were everywhere. They cheered for me every time I rode by and walked by. They even ran ice to me from aid stations on the second loop of the marathon course so I wouldn’t have to stop and wait as volunteers poured more ice out. Truly awesome.

I’m thankful for my husband Matthew who didn’t hesitate to support me in my endeavor of racing again so soon after Wisconsin. He drove down to Indy on his birthday to support me. Truly the best.

Lastly, but probably most of all, I’m thankful for my coach, Suzy. She developed a training plan for me that got me to the starting line. When my bike was broken from Madison and I needed to continue training until it got fixed, she didn’t hesitate to borrow her bike. I borrowed it for over 2 weeks. Things became uncertain if my bike could actually be fixed in time for Indiana, and because she didn’t want me to race on her bike, she went and retrieved another coach’s bike for me to use. (Thankfully, my bike was fixed in time!). During the second half of the marathon, Suzy grabbed my hand and made me keep moving forward. She knew exactly what I needed. She got what I needed from aid stations. She communicated with Matt back in transition to determine my pacing needed to make the cut-off. She knew what to say and she knew what I needed to get there. And she did the second loop in denim shorts and hiking boots. I know she had no plans on running that day, not to mention a half marathon, but I’m so thankful she did. She got me out of my head and that dark place. When it came to choosing a coach last year, I knew I picked the right one. Thanks for everything, Coach. Sorry for all the attitude and sass I gave you, but you knew not to take anything personally, and I love you for it. Thanks for helping me become a 2x Ironman!

My story of redemption went even before 2021. My first race, even though it was in brutal conditions, felt unfinished because a) the swim was shortened and b) I had to fight for my finish time. The bike course in Wisconsin definitely left me wanting more after a mechanical issue that no one could have predicted. In Indiana, I slayed my demons, got my redemption, and can confidently say that I truly am an Ironman!

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