by Joe C.

Ironman Wisconsin 2024 became a spiritual journey. Of course, there were many challenges that day, both physical and mental, but I felt the need to share about the battle that was going on in my head and save the rest of the story for another day.

My morning was pretty typical pre-race nerves and excitement, although not like first-timer anxieties; I’ve been here and just rolled with the ups and downs. I entered the corral feeling good. I was about 3 minutes from entering the water, putting my cap and goggles on, and a huge wave of gratitude came over me. Goosebump, watery eye type gratitude…. grateful for all the blessings and being able to do this. I enter the water, take one last look at the glorious sunrise, and ask God to be with me. Immediately, my right goggle is leaking, and I stop at first canoe to adjust it. Still leaking, I stopped at the second canoe to adjust; still leaking, I decided to swim on, knowing eventually I wouldn’t notice it, although sighting was a little difficult.

The swim portion was the start of the mental battle, but my defense and mantra was “Reach and glide”. Well, I was kicked in the chin and pounded on by much larger men. I just could not find open water. I backed off to stay on their feet only to get anxious because they weren’t moving fast enough. Again I pray, and God keeps me calm. It was hard to stay focused; it felt like dark, negative thoughts were attacking me, and that’s the last place you want to be in the swim portion of an Ironman. The demons were saying, “You can’t make it; you’re not a good swimmer,” all dark thoughts. Again, I prayed, “Just get me through this section”. I complete the swim!

The answer that I got back when I would say God help me or recite the Our Father prayer… was “What if?” At first, I didn’t understand why I was hearing those two words… I thought I might hear “I got you,” “Have faith,” “Believe,” or words like that. I heard “what if?”

I continued to the bike, trying to get through the long transition as fast as I could. The first few miles of the bike are a bike path with not much room to pass, so I thought, “Why risk it? Just settle in. I don’t need to fall right out the gate, so I stay patient. Again, I pray, “God, give me patience,” and I keep hearing, “What if?”. It seemed as if there was a battle going on in my head, nothing physical because I felt great. But the negative dark thoughts of different types of fears were strong and beating on me. I keep hearing, “What if?” I am still not putting it together partially because the bike course is very technical, so you have to pay attention to what you are doing.

It’s a long day on the bike, and I know when I get to B #2 (the steep hill on Timber Lane), my Experience Triathlon Cheer Crew, led by Coach Christa and my wife, Cindy, will be there. As an athlete in the middle of a battle, these amazing guys and gals bring on an enormous boost of energy and great vibes! I soak it in every time.

After I see my crew, I’m cruising along on the bike, knowing where to push and where to conserve. I followed the race plan Coach Joe of ET Coaching Services and I put together. It worked perfectly. That brings me to a point I must say. If you don’t trust your coach, get a new coach. The word trust became real today, as I’ll explain.

As I get close to T2, I know I had a good ride. I trusted my training numbers, although the dark thoughts were not subsiding. I dismount at the transition area and hear ET crew member/ training buddy Tom yell “Conrad you destroyed the bike course keep going”. All jacked up, I yell a few explicits back. He says I’ll see you on the run course. Then I get into T2, and another member of our ET crew, Vishal, is a volunteer, he gives me more encouragement and pushes me to get out of T2… Now, onto the run is the daunting task of a marathon in front of me. I’m at the first of many crossroads. Do I give into fear? The darkness was even bringing up past failures and insecurities, etc…it was crushing. Racing is emotional for me. There are tears and smiles along the way, but today, it seemed like a force was trying to destroy me. As I reflect, the race is like a full lifetime boiled into one event. Again, I hear, “What if”. “What if” you don’t listen to those voices of fear, doubt, etc…

“What if” you trust Me? “What if” you just keep your feet moving? “What if” this is the day? “What if” you believe? There it was now, those two words! Now, those words I was hearing all day made perfect sense. The external part of me was fine. My body felt as good as expected. I was nailing my pacing and nutrition plan. Of course, I was exhausted and told Coach Joe this at the mile 13 turnaround. His response to me was some explicit encouragement!! Basically, he told me I could rest tomorrow in a way I needed to hear it. Ha! Then Tom jumped me with “you are killing it go out and get this!” My adrenaline tank was full. Thanks, guys!!! Of course, my wife was there dropping kisses on me, which I was happy to receive.

I was off and running on to the last half of the marathon… what if… this is the day you don’t listen to the negative voices that keep you from achieving what you desire to achieve? What if you trust the training and trust the coach? What if you trust the people around you telling you to keep going? What if you trust God? What if you just keep your feet moving? What if you find a deeper, stronger faith in God that will not only get you through an Ironman but through all areas of your life?

What if Ironman can do that and change your life?

What if my story is not finished…